I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
