he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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