This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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