Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
