Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
