Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's never too late to be topless.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
dude. I can hear the air.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
