do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
