if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
