The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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