Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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