His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
