He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
