dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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