one two three fourrrrnication!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
