is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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