New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
