i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
