dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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