why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
