I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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