you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
