Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
