hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
