you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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