Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
