Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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