On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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