so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
tell me about the fingering
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
