No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I love having hate sex.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
