she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
