Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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