he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
