So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
