I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
