he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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