NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
