the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
