You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
