this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
