yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
