I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
