Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I said "one day" and that day is not today
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
