what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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