I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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