A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
