I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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