Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My life is pants optional.
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