He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
