he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
this is an emotional support booty call
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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