new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
