She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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