Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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