So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
