you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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