My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
