I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
