The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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