my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
