Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
