It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
